Book Reviews
Take Back Your Marriage, William Doherty
Most people attribute marriage breakdown to factors such as dishonesty, affairs, conflict, etc. This is not true. The reason most marriages fail is due to NEGLECT. Doherty discusses the “consumer marriage” in which couples tend to passive participants in the marriage and often blame their partner for the situation. He urges couples to move from being consumers to citizens of the marriage. The demands of modern life take a huge toll on marriage. Marriages are lost to work, children, hobbies, the internet, television, etc. By the time couples have given their energy to all of these activities and demands, most don’t have much left over for each other. Take Back Your Marriage if full of great advice and tips for creating healthy relationship. The bottom line is you’ve got to make your relationship a priority – ahead of everything else – OR suffer the consequences.
How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, Pat Love & Stephen Stosny
Solving marital problems without talking? Sounds ridiculous right? Wrong. Although most relationship experts advocate talking about problems, in many cases this can make things worse. Why? Because when we’re disconnected from our partner, it hurts and the way that hurt get expresses often takes the form of criticism and defensiveness. It’s these kinds of patterns that make talking difficult or impossible. So what’s the answer? Connect first then talk. The book offers great practical strategies for doing this.
Divorce Busting, Michele Weiner-Davis
It doesn't take two to change a relationship, it takes just one. You. That's right, you change and your relationship changes by definition. It's really that simple. This book teaches you how to do more of what works and not focus on problems and the past. If you're looking for here-and-now practical, wisdom, this book is full of it.
Loving What Is, Byron Katie
This book really shows us HOW to feel better by inquiring into the nature of our thoughts and beliefs. Practical, beautifully written with lots of examples. Highly recommended!
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman
John Gottman is the most distinguished researcher in the field of marriage & relationships. His books tell you what we really know about happy, long-term relationships, not just opinions from Venus & Mars. Instead of trying to learn relationship skills such as active listening touted my many marriage experts as gospel, find out what really makes a difference - friendship, admiration, and honesty.
The Power of Commitment, Scott Stanley
Commitment is freedom and the lack of it is at core of many relationship problems. Long term relationships can be challenging and without commitment often impossible. By being committed, we can focus our energies on being creative and finding solutions. The famous quote by William Murray says it all: “until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”
The Case for Marriage, Linda Waite & Mary Gallagher
There a LOT of reasons to married. This book takes a scientific look at the benefits of marriage – in a good marriage people are happier, have more sex, live longer, make more money and their kids do better. These are of course the benefits of a GOOD MARRIAGE, not abusive and bad marriages. So, it just makes sense to do the work needed to repair your marriage – it’s worth it.
Most marriages are worth saving. The advantages of saving your marriage far outweigh the consequences of going through a divorce. In general married couples are: happier, healthier (live longer), more successful (divorce is VERY costly, many couples never recover and women tend to suffer the most) and children of stable marriages generally do better in life. Moreover, studies show that 40% of divorced individuals REGRET getting divorced.
Love Without Hurt, Steven Stosny
Straight talk about abusive and angry relationships – the fact that chronic ANGER and RESENTMENT are not relationship issues but rather personal issues that toxic and damaging to marriages and families. The book also looks at the importance of core values and aligning these with behavior for long term healing. Great book for couples struggling with chronic anger and resentment.
Chronic anger and resentment IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP ISSUE - it’s a personal issue. No one makes you angry, you do and this book gives you a roadmap to the solution. If you’re dealing with a partner who’s always irritable and resentful (ABUSIVE), then this book is for you.
Why We Love, Helen Fisher
Understanding the biological underpinning of love, lust and attachment. The book uses scientific research to de-mystify love and relationships. The fact is that we all have the ability to be in love (infatuation), lust and attached to different people all at the same time because these phenomena happen in three in different and distinct parts of the brain.